The Hair versus The Bear

December 28, 2015

15 Reasons I’ll be Your President

By Donald Trump

(…as told to The Meddlesome Priest who self-identified as 'The Donald' and wrote this in a dream)

1. I’m not a politician. I don’t think, speak or act like one, and that’s the real reason you’ll vote for me. You’re sick of those fools from both parties. So am I. You have been forgotten by them for a long time. When I'm President you will be forgotten no more. Your country will belong to you again not to the Washington politicians.

2. I’m rich and successful. You want to be rich and successful. I build and I create. You want to build and create. I’ve created thousands of jobs in my huge real estate empire and I will create more jobs and more economic security for you as president. Bernie and Hillary have never created any jobs or economic opportunities…except for themselves and their flunkies. That’s another reason you’ll vote for me as president.

3. I routinely negotiate with world leaders every day. I know them personally. And let me tell you something. I’ve shared meals with them, debated them, confronted them, and got the better of them. They know it and they admit it. Bernie is a putz and Hillary is an empty pants-suit. Easy prey for the Russian Bear.

4. I love this country. I owe my real wealth and success to this country. I want all honest citizens to share this wealth and opportunity. Our Veterans and our first responders deserve our support and generosity before anyone else. That’s another reason you’ll enjoy saying, ‘President Donald Trump’.

5. I don’t suffer fools either light or heavy. Elitist PC professors and their bratty students have ruined public debate and late night humor. They don’t live in the real world. They create nothing. They hate America. That’s why they hate me. They want to repeal the Bill of Rights especially the First and Second Amendments. In my administration the second exits so no one will mess with the first. I’ll make sure of that.

6. I have moral and financial integrity. My family loves me, respects me and stands with me. We are proud of each other. No scandal overshadows me. No one can buy me. No one can intimidate me. As your president I can devote all my time and talent to making this country great again. You deserve me as your president. Hell, I tied the Pope for 'most respected man' of 2015.

7. I strike fear and trembling into the hearts of political party hacks. They hate me. They know my election spells the doom of their failed parties both D and R. President Trump re-shuffles the political deck of cards eliminating the jokers.

8. You want money out of politics? I will sign laws restricting former office holders from becoming certified lobbyists: 4 year term limits for Congressional Representatives, 5 years for Senator and one 6 year term for president. That’s it. No re-election for any of them. The people, not lobbyists, will bring new blood to public service.

9. I will sign a law using two years funding of the Department of Education budget to wipe out all student loan debt for every American student. That 1.7 trillion dollar student loan debt can be canceled with just two years of the annual 700 million dollar DOE spending on failed education policies.

10. As Commander-In-Chief of the Armed forces of the United Stated I will seal the borders of the United States by whatever means necessary to keep illegal immigrants from breaking into our country, stealing our stuff and murdering our citizens. I terrify terrorists, illegals and criminals. The little fat boy in North Korea wants to be spanked. I'll spank him and make the pervert happy.

11. Not a single Muslim refugee from the Middle East will be dumped by the federal government into your community, your school or your neighborhood while I am your president. That’s just not happening. You know I’m the only one who will keep that promise.

12. In a Donald Trump administration all tariffs and taxes on imported American goods and services by any foreign country will be doubled against their goods and their services. We’ll see who the greatest economic powerhouse on the plant is, and it won’t be any foreign government. Democrat have deserted the working class, taken them for granted. I will make working Americans great again.

13. Vladimir Putin will no longer be the most powerful person in the free or unfree world. Your president, Donald Trump, will resume that role once held by FDR, Truman, Eisenhower, Kennedy, Nixon and Reagan. Carter, Clinton, and Obama were wimpy failures who made you ashamed to be an American. I'll make you proud of being an American.

14. With no campaign finance to worry about, I can make the nonpartisan economic and national security decisions this country needs to recover its economic prosperity and leadership of the free world.

15. I’ll never lie to you. I don’t have to. I don’t give a flying truck what you or any media geek thinks about me. And that goes double for any mealy mouth professors and their spoiled-brat clones.