Drafting Uncle Joe
He's back. As soon as I opened the dryer door a vortex sucked me into one of those
small black holes at the back. I never paid much attention to them before this.
I falsely supposed that’s where all the missing socks went. But there are no
missing socks. The socks stay in the dryer in one of those black holes. There
is no truth about ‘missing socks’. This is how I met Joe Biden. Franklin Delano
Roosevelt introduced us in a dryer-black- hole of non-being before television
was invented.
"When the stock market crashed,
Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you
know, the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened." –Joe Biden, apparently unaware that FDR wasn't
president when the stock market crashed in 1929 and that only experimental TV
sets were in use at that time, interview with Katie Couric, Sept. 22, 2008 (Watch
video clip)
Turns out there are holes within the holes in the back of our dryers, and
they’re not all black. Every possible colored hole exits back there, even the
ones beyond human seeing. They all have names. One is called the ‘Uncle Joe
Hole’. It’s very powerful. Not even time can escape this hole.
"Hillary Clinton is as qualified
or more qualified than I am to be vice president of the United States of
America. Quite frankly, it might have been a better pick than me." --Joe Biden, speaking at a town hall meeting
in Nashua, New Hampshire, Sept. 10, 2008
Falling through these dryer holes takes an eternity since they are
infinite in number. No worries though, it’s very reassuring. There’s a certain sensual
satisfaction realizing there are no universals let alone absolutes. The
continuous falling pleasure does that to you. It’s like being snuggled and
nuzzled in public by a creepy old dude with hairy legs at the pool.
Everything dissolves in the process of processing. In sensing ,one
becomes senseless and empty. Why sense? Why be? Why, for example, worry about
how many letters a word has.
"Look, John's last-minute
economic plan does nothing to tackle the number-one job facing the middle
class, and it happens to be, as Barack says, a three-letter word: jobs.
J-O-B-S, jobs." --Joe Biden,
Athens, Ohio, Oct. 15, 2008
There’s security in that. No one has to be responsible for
anything. There are no chains just holes. We just fall through colored holes.
That’s all there is. The truth is a lie hole. Reality is false hole. Goodness
is an evil hole, and beauty is an ugly hole.
“Look at what they [Republicans] value, and look at their budget. And look what they're proposing. [Romney] said in the first 100 days, he's going to let the big banks write their own rules -- unchain Wall Street. They're going to put y'all back in chains." --Joe Biden, speaking to a largely African-American audience in Danville, Va., Aug. 14, 2012
There’s security in that. No one has to be responsible for
anything. There are no chains just holes. We just fall through colored holes.
That’s all there is. The truth is a lie hole. Reality is false hole. Goodness
is an evil hole, and beauty is an ugly hole.
We only hear our own echo in our own hole. It’s amusing is it not? Being is sufficient. Non-being is not. We think, therefore we don’t exist.
"His mom lived in Long Island for ten years or
so. God rest her soul. And- although, she's- wait- your mom's still- your mom's
still alive. Your dad passed. God bless her soul." --Joe Biden,
on the mother of Irish Prime Minister Brian Cowen, who is very much alive,
Washington, D.C., March 17, 2010
Home, at last. Now I know why Einstein didn’t wear socks. There are
no socks and there’s no knowing about socks. Everyone thinks they know about missing socks. Fools! One thing is certain about socks,
however. That is, there is no certainty about socks. If I want the shoe to fit the socks must not exist.
"If we do
everything right, if we do it with absolute certainty, there's still a 30%
chance we're going to get it wrong." --Joe Biden, speaking to members of the House
Democratic caucus who were gathered in Williamsburg, Va., for their annual
retreat, Feb. 6, 2009
Studies have
shown that while socks are not necessary to protect your feet, if you feel your
life is threatened, then buy a shotgun and fire two blasts out the back door. You learn this in the Uncle Joe Hole.
“I know these evenings run long, so I'm going
to be brief. Talk about the audacity of hope. President Obama does send his
greetings, though. He can't be here tonight -- because he's busy getting ready
for Easter. He thinks it's about him." --Joe Biden, at the 2009 Gridiron
dinner
And finally, there’s this. No matter which hole you get sucked into
at the back of your dryer you will eventually fall into the SCOTUS hole. This
is the hole that warps brain synapses fooling the mind into thinking that
nothing is everything. After the recent Obergefell, SCOTUS decision, for
example, every person who fell into the SCOTUS Hole believed that all buddies
are ‘butt buddies’. While incurable, this condition is not debilitating in
most cases. The only known exceptions are those trapped in the event horizon of
the Uncle Joe Hole.
Speaking of butt buddies, last
week during a gala event in Iowa, the vice president said something very vice
presidential (if you are Joe Biden):
“Neil Smith, an old butt buddy.
Are you here, Neil? Neil, I miss you man. I miss you.”
No. The future is not as good as it used to be. To prove it just
draft uncle Joe.
"Folks, I
can tell you I've known eight presidents, three of them intimately." --Joe Biden
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