Life After The Penis

What if Bernie or AOC or some other Demo-Commie becomes President? Well, then we'll have to abolish the penis, and eat babies, that's what.

“Abolish the penis”, as a global social justice movement, began in early 2016 at the University of Oregon. By the year 2019 no human penis could be found anywhere in the world. It was inevitable. After the success of the ‘abolish whiteness’ social justice campaign in 2016 culminating with the election of President Bernie Sanders, c0-president Elizabeth Warren, and junior president Alexandra Ocasio Cortez ‘whiteness’ was officially abolished by his first Executive Order. And studies have shown that 'whiteness' comes right out of the penis. So. The next logical step was to ‘abolish the penis’. Transgender University of Oregon students, wanted an MLK famous quote removed from a wall in the student union they considered 'transphobic'. This quote has been displayed at the Erb Memorial Union since 1985.

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. I have a dream . . .” Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Diversity is so much more than race," sophomore Mia Ashley told the school paper. "Obviously race still plays a big role. But there are people who identify differently in gender and all sorts of things like that.”

All sorts of things like that…um. OK. Since the MLK quote does not specifically mention transgender people, the students considered it ‘transphobic’, an unforgivable social sin. Social justice warriors rose in solidarity showing stiff opposition to the human penis globally.

Under their usual guise of entertainment and comedy, armies of social justice progressives went to work quickly to abolish the human penis.

“On Tuesday, Laura Levites, the liberal comedian who recently said she wanted to "rip out" Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodger's uterus, proved yet again that liberalism is an ideology of hate and rage when she went on another profanity-laced Twitter rant saying she would "personally like to castrate" every male conservative Christian.”

"I would personally like to castrate every Male Conservative Christian so that they have NO reproductive rights," she said, using the hashtag "#HobbyLobby."

"I'm just going to stay broke so that Republican Conservative Christians have to pay for EVERYTHING!" she added in another tweet.”

(Source: http://www.examiner.com/article/feminist-comedian-i-want-to-castrate-every-conservative-christian-male )

Building on the previous successful campaign, ‘abolish whiteness’, the ‘abolish the penis’ campaign was a huge success. Important lessons had been learned. When President Bernie Sanders signed the Executive Order #66666 banning white skin in the U.S. it was a tipping point in history. The last white skin was peeled off a newborn baby and replaced with synthetic chartreuse skin in late 2017. That was it. White skinned people all over the planet turned themselves into surgery centers to have their whiteness abolished and replaced by a rainbow of new designer synthetic skin colors. One of the most popular was the Ben and Jerry’s pink/avocado skin color all the rage in the United Kingdom. Paisley skin captured the imagination of Africans. Discrimination against them now is non-existent.

Buoyed by this social justice success, it was thought at the time that abolishing ‘whiteness ‘would put an end to inequality, anger, aggression, and war. That did not happen so social scientists applied their exacting empiricism and geometric logic to find the real problem and offer the ‘final solution’. Stiff resistance was offered at first by skeptics and religious zealots but liberal comedians were not the only ones to discover the source of all human problems and inequalities.

Penises, it was penises all along. Studies showed that the human penis caused inequality, and inequity through aggression, virility, anger, vigor, pride, jealously, war, power, poverty, and potency. All the miseries of the world flowed from the penis. Solution? Get rid of the penis. In the words of renowned Belgian sexologist, Dr. Ivan Joydit, who’s researched climaxed with this reasoning;

“The penis cannot be allowed to appear in human nature. Animals, fine. It makes for interesting porn, but not in humans. My studies on the Greek island of Lesbos in the northern Aegean Sea demonstrate conclusively that when men turn in their penises for a vagina they lack aggression, anger, hostility and bellicosity. With all the certainty of geometric logic, we have proved the soundness of the syllogism;

All aggressive things are things that lead to war

All penises are aggressive things

All penises are things that lead to war

Furthermore, since this is the case, then it follows that;

All things that lead to war are things to abolish

All penises are things that lead to war

Therefore, all penises are things to abolish

It’s simple, abolish the penis and end war. Q.E.D!”

By 2019 President Bernie Sanders got the message.

“Let me remind everybody, the people elected me in 2016 for two reasons. First, I promised to abolish whiteness and I did that. Second, I promised to abolish the penis which is the very source of all inequality in the world. People thought I was crazy and paid no attention. Now I’ve done that. I turned in my penis this morning. Never had much use for it anyway, you know, ‘cept to run some water through it on occasion.”

Asked by MSNBC ace reporter, Seymour Johnson, if Sanders thought his crypto- campaign position on abolishing the penis was the tipping point to defeating Hillary Clinton back in 2016, Sanders replied.

“Well, after all, I actually had a penis to abolish…she only promised to abolish Bill’s. And history tells us that would never happen. Voters notice things like that, you know.”

The abolition of the penis was completed in late 2019. Not a single human penis exists today on the planet. Human life if much better now. Inequality of every kind has disappeared. There are no more disagreements, fights, acts of aggression, crime, or war. Procreation has been taken over by the state. Apple, Inc. provides every human being with a free copy of their popular penis-free ‘iBaby’ app. Once downloaded on a digital device, anyone can design, and 3D print a human baby in any color scheme. It’s a powerful tool. No penis needed.

Since their wives had no further need of penises, Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg have printed several babies that they designed together after they were married this year on the Greek island of Skorpios in the same chapel where Jackie Kennedy married Aristotle Onassis. Reached through Skype, Skorpios’s new owner and daughter of a Russian Billionaire, Ekaterina Rybolovleva told the press attending the gala wedding;

“Isn’t it a wonderful world we live in today? Two male billionaires can get married in Greece without a penis between them.”

Yes, the penis is no longer necessary and so is what it was attached to. As observed by the New York Times writer, Greg Hampikian in his article MEN, WHO NEEDS THEM?, the male bias and penis are obsolete.

That bias, however, is becoming harder to sustain, as men become less relevant to both reproduction and parenting. Women aren’t just becoming men’s equals. It’s increasingly clear that “mankind” itself is a gross misnomer: an uninterrupted, intimate and essential maternal connection defines our species. That’s good, since women are both necessary and sufficient for reproduction, and men are neither. From the production of the first cell (egg) to the development of the fetus and the birth and breast-feeding of the child, fathers can be absent. They can be at work, at home, in prison or at war, living or dead.

Recently, the geneticist J. Craig Venter showed that the entire genetic material of an organism can be synthesized by a machine and then put into what he called an “artificial cell.” This was actually a bit of press-release hyperbole: Mr. Venter started with a fully functional cell, then swapped out its DNA. In doing so, he unwittingly demonstrated that the female component of sexual reproduction, the egg cell, cannot be manufactured, but the male can.

When I explained this to a female colleague and asked her if she thought that there was yet anything irreplaceable about men, she answered, “They’re entertaining.”

Gentlemen, let’s hope that’s enough.

(Source: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/25/opinion/men-who-needs-them.html )