Revenge of the Buddhist Eskimos in Iron Lungs

Millionaire brats giving each other little gold plated statuettes of a bald guy so they can:

1. Deliver childish Anti-American political hate speech

2. Insult their ticket-buying audience

3. Use the little statuette to get more overpaid jobs preaching a Harvey Weinstein, hypocritical, PC excuse for a morality

Using blatant bigotry to fight systemic corruption and prejudice, the Motion Picture Academy should award 'best picture' to an update of the classic Marxist film, BUDDHIST ESKIMOS IN IRON LUNGS (released as 'REDS' a 1981 film co-written, produced and directed by Warren Beatty). Such a movie would have to deify homosexual African-Americans as the new oppressed proletariat class moonlighting in La La Land. Done!

Imagine, if you will, living in a fantasy world where very famous and wealthy people held a public ceremony every year in a great palace where they gave golden statues to each other so that they could make more money and gain greater fame because... they had a golden statue.

That fantasy world exists and its name is Hollyweird. Not everyone gets a golden statue, mind you, just ones selected by vote of a private club of very rich and famous people who pretend to be other people. Normally, people who pretend to be other people in public are declared insane and confined, for their own good and that of the general population, to asylums for the mentally defective. This particular asylum is called The Academy of Major Pretense Arts and Sciences. It is truly a nut house where every permutation of mental disorder is represented in great numbers.

Were you to suppose that the great and general public loathed the very thought of this latter-day Bedlam, then you would suppose falsely. In truth, the opposite is the case. Numbers into the millions of otherwise rational and sane individuals outside the asylum actually envy the inmates and want to become like them. After all, these major pretenders, rape, slaughter, lie, cheat and steal with impunity as long as they call it entertainment. As modern Coliseum spectators, the public revels in watching slaves and Christians torn to pieces and eaten by savage beasts or hacked to death by merciless gangs of thugs. They lust after depictions of drug-ravaged derelicts elevated to hero status. They line up for hours in the cold and rain to sit, transfixed in great dark caverns, watching members of the Academy commit unspeakable acts of depravity, profligacy, debasement, viciousness or iniquity. The more debauched the better. All this while they gorge themselves on four-foot tall cups of hot buttered popcorn, text a booty call and take a selfie. Who would not be envious?

All was well until the Buddhist Eskimos in Iron Lungs showed up and tried to take over the asylum so they too could receive little golden statues like the other inmates. Oh, there had been a few of them in the asylum over decades, and some of them did get golden statues. But as their numbers increased they demanded more and more golden statues. They couldn’t be stopped. Good people did nothing earning themselves a special place in Hell.

One year, this year, these Buddhist Eskimos in Iron Lungs were not voted any nominations for a little golden statue. Infuriated, they raised a great human outcry that was heard all over the land. They denounced the Academy for ignoring them simply because their skin was avocado in color. It didn't seem to matter that many of them had already received little golden statues in the past. Some Buddhist Eskimos even received more than one. For example, I.B. Laid, (pictured below) received three golden statues in 2013 for her brilliant performance in 20 Years an Avocado. Moreover, how quickly we forget. Kitchen appliances in the 50’s, 60’s and even the 70’s were avocado in color, and were extremely popular everywhere regardless of the owners skin color. The public reaction was “We like the color avocado. What are you talking about?"

It didn’t matter, the Buddhist Eskimos in Iron Lungs seized control of the Academy Board of Governors through guile and guilt...mostly guilt. Edicts were sent out re-defining who could vote a golden statue be given and who could not. “By 2020 this will double the number of Buddhist Eskimos in Iron Lungs and they will get more golden statues” declared the new Academy Priesident Ms. Kookie Kumming. Done deal by imperial fiat and no vote of the Academy members.

Not only that, but the new president of the Academy of Major Pretense Arts and Sciences could appoint three fellow Buddhist Eskimos in Iron Lungs to the Board of asylum Governors. All other Governors had to be elected by the other inmates. And, there's more, all committees of the Academy that determined who was up for a golden statue had to have three appointed Buddhist Eskimos in Iron Lungs as members. But worst of all, any existing member deemed 'inactive' by the Buddhist Eskimos in Iron lungs had their contract broken and can no longer vote for golden statue recipients. Yes, they have a contract. They paid hefty dues to join the club after a strict vetting process just so they could vote on awarding the golden statues.

(insert sounds of lawyers in battalion strength filing briefs at court)

Truly, the inmates of the inmates had taken over the asylum.

Reaction of the general public was predictable. No one cared. As long as members of the Academy of Major Pretense Arts and Sciences continued to pump out lewd, lascivious, deviant, psychotic, racist swill, and serial mayhem, the public loved it. Parties all over the world were organized in every hamlet and home to await announcement of this year’s golden statue recipients. It mattered not if the recipients had avocado skin color or no skin at all. That's why God created CGI. As long as the public could pretend they were savages, they were happy. Long gone was the day that awarding the little golden statues actually stood for excellence, artistic grace, style, and uplifting tributes to the ‘Better Angels of our Nature’.

Driving this bus is the insatiable public demand for lunacy, depravity, incompetence, and exhibition of the worst in human nature. And the Academy of Major Pretense Arts and Sciences can now be counted on to deliver, thanks to the takeover by the Buddhist Eskimos in Iron Lungs. These golden statues have been devalued to little more than Hollyweird marketing and advertising scams, schemes and more posturing pretense. Those with a golden statue are even consulted on important social and political issues they know nothing about such as economics of poverty, global climate change, homosexual marriage, late term abortion, drug legalization, public education, and political candidates. Like a troupe of trained circus animals they are routinely trotted out at PR events to ‘enterfeign’ the public into accepting some new social absurdity de jour. They have a golden statue, therefore their opinion must be true.

Who will really profit by this coup d’etat of the Buddhist Eskimos in Iron Lungs? Lawyers, of course. And why not? Lawyers colluded and conspired to bring it about. No matter how the coup turnes out, lawyers for both sides would get rich supplying the munitions. Hollyweird is run by lawyers not by talented members of the Academy of Major Pretense Arts and Sciences.

As made clear by Ms. Kookie Kumming (pictured above) the asylum’s new president and chair-thing of their Gored of Governors,

“We could give a shit about those little-honey-ass-golden-bald-guy-diddly squat-thingies…we want revenge…and child, we got revenge."

As Joe Biden would say, " Call your lawyer... and buy a shotgun.”

________________________